Astrology is bullshit.

Alright, can we all just agree that people can't cast spells and astrology is bullshit? While we're at it, let's stop using the phrase "I'm not religious, I'm spiritual." Every time I hear anyone call themselves "spiritual," it's just after they mention astrology and just before I land a flying elbow to their ovaries (as anyone who believes in astrology is undoubtedly a woman who needs to be punched in the crotch). Most people who read horoscopes also buy into other new age crap like tarot cards and self-healing.

Self healing? Self healing was perfected by Rambo in Rambo: First Blood when he stitched his arm shut after he cracked a kid's back while jumping off a cliff (and the only reason his arm split open was because he's so tough he wanted to make the bad guys think they had a chance, but yeah right.. it was like Rambo sent them all Christmas cards, but instead of cards it was murder).

The other thing that pisses me off about horoscopes is that some people make financial decisions based off them. Re-read that sentence a few times until the implications set in. Yes, there are mouth-breathers out there who literally believe clumps of rocks and dirt floating around pockets of gas have anything to do with their stocks and lottery winnings.

But wait! There's More!!