Saturday, October 16, 2004

Transcripts of OnStar Service Conversations Not Selected for Commercials

You’ve heard the spots, where the helpful voice of the OnStar satellite representative rushes to the aid of the panicked motorist. But have you heard them all? John Warner digs through the transcripts that didn’t make the final cut.

OnStar: Hello, OnStar.
Customer: Hey, so, I got an important package in the trunk, but I think I locked my keys in with it when I was dispatching…er…loading it.
OnStar: Not a problem, sir, I’m unlocking the trunk now.
Customer: [sound of trunk opening] Whooo…Jesus, that stinks!
OnStar: Are you OK, sir?
Customer: Yeah, yeah. I just got to get rid of this package as soon as possible. Say, can you give me directions to an abandoned quarry, or maybe some remote wooded spot where I could leave my package?
OnStar: Sure thing. I’m showing that there’s an empty shaft at an old silver mine three miles southwest of your location.
Customer: Perfect! That’s great, perfect. I’m going to need a car wash, too. Someplace discreet, if you know what I’m saying.
OnStar: Absolutely, sir. You and OnStar are speaking the same language.

Get some more!

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