Ninjas Vs. Pirates; The Universal Question

This entry transcribed from a post on ubersite.com

That's right, for centuries the debate over which satanical group of fighters would win in battle has loomed. While obvious answers have been given, "Pirates would win at sea." And "Ninjas are better in the woods."; The question to who would win the overall war has not been answered. We need to know who will win it all, not just the battle. So I'll make a list of stats for each, and then prove to you there is a real answer; And It is ninjas.

Pirates:
Ruthless and brutal
Wear eye patches
Fight with swords
Represented by a skull and bones
Obnoxious and stink horribly
Have large shadows from being fat
Launch cannonballs
Ride in big wooden boats
Put daggers in their teeth
Say "Arrrrrrrrrrgghh"
Limp with pegged legs
Taught by other pirates
Have names like Schmee
Can be smelled before seen
Use rowboats
Drink all day long
Rely on other crew members
Make traitors walk a wooden plank
Don't bother hiding, ever
Kill people with black powder guns

Ninjas:
Lack any personality
Wear headbands
Fight skillfully with any object
Can remove a spleen in one swift motion
Live in your house secretly for days
Can remove their shadow if needed
Hurl shurikens
Go anywhere they want instantly
Catch bullets in their teeth
Kill themselves if they make a noise
Can run 100 miles on their hands
Train 20 hours/day starting from age 2
Have cool words like Sepuku
Are masters of disguise
Can hover for hours
Flip out and kill everything
Are completely self-sufficient
Split planks vertically with their nose
Can hide in incense smoke
Kill people

So, we can see that pirates do in fact have several positive qualities, like their constant drunkenness, but there is no way that they could win a fight against ninjas on a frequent basis.

There.
Fuck off if you don't agree.
I'll send ninjas to pull your spine out, put one end up your ass, and the other up your mom's forcing her to drag your limp, dying body behind her.

Fucking Awesome - Eric