8 ways to confuse children

8 ways to confuse children
1. Tell them that their parents have gone abroad without them. Works best if you are their parents.
2. Walk in from work wearing a Santa Claus outfit in the middle of July. Tell them that you've had a hard day at work so they can't have any presents
3. When they ask for new clothes insist that you don't know what clothes are.
4. Smear yourself in faecal matter. Then walk into their birthday party and declare "Hi, I'm Shitstorm the clown!" "Who wants to see a special trick with a nitting needle and a trouser snake?"
5. Wake them up early by shouting at them and shriek about how they have got to go to school in France.
6. Repeatedly refer to the car as their "other mother".
7. Point at random people and say "look, that man's face looks stupid, go and tell him". When the well trained child refuses insist that they do it "or else". When they come back after doing the deed tell them that they are evil. Repeat.
8. Pretend that kittens are actually camels. Tell your children that you were riding one "only five minutes ago".