The Bionic Woman
I was sitting around today thinking about how in the seventies the cool, man-machine interface was BIONICS and in the eighties it was CYBERNETICS. I basically figure that the difference between the two is that Bionics try to look like man-flesh, you know, "Robots in Disguise", like in the transformers. While Cybernetics are overtly menacing, completely unapologetic, robot parts grafted miraculously onto a still living human body. Frickin' SWEET!
Now that got me thinking about the Six Million Dollar Man and of course, the Bionic Woman, Jamie Sommers. And of course I got to thinking, Steve Austin was a freakin' Astronaut!!! What was Jamie Sommers fuckin' job? N.A.S.A. receptionist? Air Force One FLight Attendant? Well my friend Matt helped me out with this brief synopsis from the "inter-web", as he put it.
"... As Frankenstein's monster needed a wife and James Bond needed Pussy Galore, Steve Austin, The Six Million Dollar Man, needed love interest. One of Lee Majors' significant contributions to the series was his suggestion that a red blooded bionic like himself should have a girlfriend. So, making a stand for equality, along came Jaime Sommers, Bionic Spice herself- The Bionic Woman.
Sommers appeared only fleetingly in The Six Million Dollar Man, and was subsequently bumped off. However, the popularity of the character was such that she was resuscitated and went on to feature in 58 episodes of her own series. It had continuity with The Six Million Dollar Man in that OSO chief Oscar Goldman (Richard Anderson) was also her boss and Austin himself appeared several times throughout the show's run.
Sommers was introduced in The Six Million Dollar Man episodes The Bionic Woman and The Return Of The Bionic Woman. Somers was Austin's childhood sweetheart. A tennis professional with a teaching degree, after a tragic skydiving accident, Sommers, at Austin's prompting, received bionic replacements (bionic legs and a bionic arm, but instead of a new eye she is rebuilt with a bionic ear). She and Austin planned to marry, but Sommers' body rejected her new limbs and she died. There was a national outcry- how could a character that had so captured the imagination be allowed to die? In the world of TV fantasy her rehabilitation was easy- cryogenic procedures were used to cool her body and prevent cellular damage, which gave the doctors time to repair the brain clot that had ended her life. Sommers was rescued from death. However, the operation was not a complete success. She had suffered brain damage, and completely lost her memory. Emergency surgery restored many of her memories, but the feelings of love that she had felt for Austin appeared to have been lost forever.
And so, Sommers leads a double life. She is a teacher working at a Californian air base school. She also takes on special high-risk government missions, using her tremendous 'bionic' powers. Episodes were divided between her twin careers. Her capers involved her entering as a contestant in the Miss United States Pageant in order to uncover an espionage operation, going undercover as an airline stewardess to protect Dr. Rudy Wells (Martin E. Brooks- another member of the SMDM team) and his top-secret formula and masquerading as a lady wrestler..."
So there you have it. "Hot for Teacher" inspirational material gone mechanical. With Brain-Damage!!! The story was so bad it read like the character background of an RPG character. I now totally mock her every point of existence. Though I did like how the "Jump the Shark" website said:
"... cried when she jumped from the building and sparks came out out her knee caps. Wasn't there a crossover episode with the Bionic man and she slept with the Sasquatch? Their offspring was the bionic dog named Max...."
That was so funny I had to go fuck a Bigfoot on my lunch-break.
Anyway, VIVA LE CYBORGS!!! I can't wait to mechanate. Go-Go-Gadget PENIS!!!
--Eric
Now that got me thinking about the Six Million Dollar Man and of course, the Bionic Woman, Jamie Sommers. And of course I got to thinking, Steve Austin was a freakin' Astronaut!!! What was Jamie Sommers fuckin' job? N.A.S.A. receptionist? Air Force One FLight Attendant? Well my friend Matt helped me out with this brief synopsis from the "inter-web", as he put it.
"... As Frankenstein's monster needed a wife and James Bond needed Pussy Galore, Steve Austin, The Six Million Dollar Man, needed love interest. One of Lee Majors' significant contributions to the series was his suggestion that a red blooded bionic like himself should have a girlfriend. So, making a stand for equality, along came Jaime Sommers, Bionic Spice herself- The Bionic Woman.
Sommers appeared only fleetingly in The Six Million Dollar Man, and was subsequently bumped off. However, the popularity of the character was such that she was resuscitated and went on to feature in 58 episodes of her own series. It had continuity with The Six Million Dollar Man in that OSO chief Oscar Goldman (Richard Anderson) was also her boss and Austin himself appeared several times throughout the show's run.
Sommers was introduced in The Six Million Dollar Man episodes The Bionic Woman and The Return Of The Bionic Woman. Somers was Austin's childhood sweetheart. A tennis professional with a teaching degree, after a tragic skydiving accident, Sommers, at Austin's prompting, received bionic replacements (bionic legs and a bionic arm, but instead of a new eye she is rebuilt with a bionic ear). She and Austin planned to marry, but Sommers' body rejected her new limbs and she died. There was a national outcry- how could a character that had so captured the imagination be allowed to die? In the world of TV fantasy her rehabilitation was easy- cryogenic procedures were used to cool her body and prevent cellular damage, which gave the doctors time to repair the brain clot that had ended her life. Sommers was rescued from death. However, the operation was not a complete success. She had suffered brain damage, and completely lost her memory. Emergency surgery restored many of her memories, but the feelings of love that she had felt for Austin appeared to have been lost forever.
And so, Sommers leads a double life. She is a teacher working at a Californian air base school. She also takes on special high-risk government missions, using her tremendous 'bionic' powers. Episodes were divided between her twin careers. Her capers involved her entering as a contestant in the Miss United States Pageant in order to uncover an espionage operation, going undercover as an airline stewardess to protect Dr. Rudy Wells (Martin E. Brooks- another member of the SMDM team) and his top-secret formula and masquerading as a lady wrestler..."
So there you have it. "Hot for Teacher" inspirational material gone mechanical. With Brain-Damage!!! The story was so bad it read like the character background of an RPG character. I now totally mock her every point of existence. Though I did like how the "Jump the Shark" website said:
"... cried when she jumped from the building and sparks came out out her knee caps. Wasn't there a crossover episode with the Bionic man and she slept with the Sasquatch? Their offspring was the bionic dog named Max...."
That was so funny I had to go fuck a Bigfoot on my lunch-break.
Anyway, VIVA LE CYBORGS!!! I can't wait to mechanate. Go-Go-Gadget PENIS!!!
--Eric
posted by Rev. Dr. Eric Z. Willman at 11:14 AM
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