Some quotes for today

I am the freak whom the show is all about - Eric Willman

You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. - Author Unknown

Psychiatry is the care of the id by the od. - Author Unknown

Always do right. That will gratify some of the people, and astonish the rest. - Mark Twain

Experience teaches you to recognize a mistake when you've made it again. - Unknown

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain

If I owned both Texas and Hell, I'd rent out Texas and live in Hell. - Philip Henry Sheridan
Golf is a good walk spoiled. - Mark Twain

Wit is educated insolence. - Aristotle

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. - George Bernard Shaw

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. - Martin Mull

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. - George Bernard Shaw

A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. - H. L. Mencken

What is the difference about a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. - Mark Twain

Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it. - Mark Twain

Some suggestions on how to be the most fun guy at a funeral

Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.

Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.

Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.

At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.

Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.

Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.

Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.

Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.

Urge the widow to give the deceased's wooden leg to someone poor who can't afford firewood.

Walk around telling people that the deceased didn't like them.

Use the deceased's tongue to lick a stamp.

Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing on.

Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.

When no-one's looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased's mouth.

Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream "MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!" and pretend to faint.

At the cemetery take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.

Get someone to call you on your cell phone during ceremony and pretend your talking to the deceased person.

Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.

Tell everyone you're from the IRS and you're confiscating the coffin for back-taxes.

Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn't keep a straight face while praising the deceased.

Write "Best before last week" on the top of the coffin when nobody is looking.

Strange Facts about Death

1 - More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.

2 - More people are killed each year by coconuts than sharks. Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts.

3 - You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

4 - Fleas have the distinction of killing more people than all the wars man has ever fought. The "Black Death" plague killed 1/4 of Europe's population in the 14th century, caused by germs transmitted from rodents to humans by fleas.

5 - The animal responsible for the most human deaths worldwide is the mosquito.

6 - The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

7 - A hundred years ago, the average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven.

8 - Today, only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or older.

9 - Your statistical chance of being murdered is 1 in 20,000.

10 - There are 5 times as many deaths due to the negligence of doctors as there are deaths due to firearms.

11 - On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.

12 - Robert Hershey, of Hershey Chocolate fame, died when he fell into a vat of chocolate and drowned.

13 - Dr. Alice Chase, who wrote "Nutrition for Health" and numerous books on the science of proper eating, died of malnutrition.

14 - Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

15 - When Mahatma Gandhi died, an autopsy revealed that his small intestine contained five gold Krugerrands.

16 - When Thomas Edison died in 1941; Henry Ford captured his last dying breath in a bottle.

17 - In 1845, President Andrew Jackson's pet parrot was removed from his funeral for swearing.

18 - Robert Todd Lincoln, son of Abraham Lincoln, was present at the assassinations of three presidents: his father's, President Garfield's, and President McKinley's. After the last shooting, he refused ever to attend a state affair again.

19 - When Mark Twain was born on Nov 30, 1835, Halley's comet was visible over Florida, Missouri. Mark Twain predicted in 1909 that he would die when it returned. He was right. When he died on April 21, 1910, Halley's comet was once again visible in the sky.

Vin Diesel

Diesel is also a long time fan and player of Dungeons & Dragons and other role playing games, a fact that he proudly states in various interviews. He occasionally places references to D&D in his films, such as in XXX where one of the tattoos on Xander Cage (Diesel's character) read "Melkor," the name of one of Diesel's old player characters. (Melkor is also the original name of the Satan-like character in The Silmarillion and other Tolkien stories.) He has also written the foreword to the commemorative book 30 Years of Adventure: A Celebration of D&D, which chronicles the history of D&D through various stories and essays written by various authors and developers.

• Vin Diesel was the first person to walk up to a cow and say, "Whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze them, I'm drinking."
• When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
• Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
• It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
• Vin Diesel is the only person who knows why paper can beat rock.
• Vin Diesel invented the internet
• Vin Diesel has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

You can view more Vin facts at the Random Vin Diesel Fact Generator

MIND CONTROL!!!!

Latest Buzz: Fly Brains Manipulated by Remote Control - Like a hypnotist who gets a man to act like a chicken when he hears a code word, scientists have genetically modified fruit flies to jump or beat their wings when flashed with lasers. "This is a new approach to neuroscience," said Gero Miesenbock from the Yale University School of Medicine. "We can not only passively observe but actively control behavior."

scientists control fly with robot head - Yale University researchers say their study that used lasers to create remote-controlled fruit flies could lead to a better understanding of overeating and violence in humans. Using the lasers to stimulate specific brain cells, researchers say they were able to make the flies jump, walk, flap their wings and fly.

Remote-Control Flies - Imagine using a remote control to command a living thing. Researchers have done just that, controlling fruit flies with a laser. As this ScienCentral News video explains, the research could lead to ways to control behaviors.

Remote control flies? Fly behavior controlled by laser light

Scientists create remote control flies

Experts make remote control flies

Researchers use laser light to remote control flies

Researchers use lasers to remotely control flies

Fly brains manipulated by remote control