Saturday, September 11, 2004


COMPETE AGAINST YOUR SO-CALLED "FRIENDS"! This little test will ensnare you like crab in a trap baby. see how fast uoi really are, PUNK!!! My response time is: 0.369


Not a great site, but the name INSISTS that I post it!



You're here. And where is here? The sex site of the lounge culture, the thinking man's adult site, the only adult-oriented entertainment site on the net that can make an honest claim to being truly unique.

RetroRaunch is about bringing the tasty, nasty, wild, wacky, outrageous, shocking, beautiful, erotic and utterly special soft and hardcore porn from the past into the high-tech present of the Internet.

RetroRaunch has been singled out by the widest variety of sources imaginable. They range from USA Today and The Washington Post to Showtime, E! Entertainment and The History Channel. Also, Nerve, Adult Video News (Best Overall Site nominee and winner of the Best Site Concept award in 2000 and nominee for Best Pictorial Site, 1999), the books The Joy of Cybersex and - The Exclusive Book for Web Elitists and so many more. Some of the most pungent quotes are excerpted on these pages, but you an also go directly to our awards and reviews page to see them all for yourself.

To get the lay of the land, and a better idea of what it's all about, we invite you to take our guest tour. Miss Lacey, (history teacher by day, nasty girl by night!) will take you through the full range of what we have to offer (and strip down to the naked truth while she's at it).


A Story for Natalie

This is an Eeeexcellent story of a little girl who didn't fit in. And the violence that ensues

Creepy Suzie

We Are Robots

Here we have a FIST full of comedy! Deep, Penetrating Comedy that goes right to the source! These are short animations featuring a variety of characters you will come to love like unruly nephews.


Masturbation Horror Stories

Love may hurt, but sometimes self-love hurts the most. We've combed through the medical journals to find the most horrific examples of masturbation mishaps. From misplaced household items to self-mutilation to accidental death, it's all here, and it's all true.


Happy Affair

Ah, the pleasures of a little side action. Fresh, new, uninhibited lust without the pressures of commitment. It's exciting, invigorating, and delicious on so many levels.

But of course, like anything good in life, there are trade-offs. Picking the wrong woman can make the affair more trouble than it's worth, and getting caught can ruin your life. This is an enterprise fraught with danger, and you need a good coach to guide you to your goal. That's where we come in.

This web site will take you through the steps of picking a paramour, hiding your tracks, and ending the affair. Plus, we have reader-submitted tips and horror stories of how things can go very, very wrong.


The AntiChrist Detector

The principles of the Antichrist Detector are rather simple. Many may be familiar with the amusing theory that Bill Gates is the Antichrist . The basic premise is that the ASCII value of the characters of his name add up to 666.

This leads to an interesting idea. If one can determine who the Antichrist is via ASCII numerology, then it would be a trivial process to automate this. One could simply write a program that takes a database of names and spits out a list of Antichrists.

Of course, where would one get such a database? Perhaps the phonebook? Maybe from some spammers mailing list? A tough problem indeed. After all, anyone who has a large list of names in a digital format probably won't give it away in the name of science, religion, or even amusement. They would want cash. Probably a lot of it.

So, the search for the Antichrist leads to the web. We can gather names via this website and have the Antichirsts volunteer information about themselves. It's fun for the whole family. Maybe your Aunt is the Antichrist? Or your Mom? What about your spouse? This is your opportunity to find out so you can do the right thing.


How To Impress Your Date

Oh this is sweet, little movies of comedy glee. Do it frat boy, DO IT!!!

A Comedy Donkey-Punch!

The Random Masturbation Synonym Generator

Amusing and easy to use. Enjoy!

Masturbation Synonym Generator

The Pin-Up Page

This is a topic close to my heart. I LOVE Pinup Grils. ESPECIALLY Betty Page! Check out this PACKED site with pinup info!


Build Your Own RED MEAT Comic!

Okay this is so fucking cool I could punch out a NUN!!!! We've all seen red meat comics, I even own a book collection of them. Here you can actually make your own EXACTLY like the ones you read, with your own text and the characters you know and love! Fell the PURE , UNADULTERATED joy of


Vintage Robot Porn

YPL's Vintage Robot Porn is the Internet's premiere site for HOT and SHINY pics of all your favorite well-oiled robots, droids, and cyborgs of yesteryear. Here at YPL we're constantly striving to improve human and robot relations; and we're pretty sure we've found our most successful strategy yet.  The only way to get a robot to trust you is through an intimate bond; allowing them to show you their most private moments. People need to understand that we're not too different from robots, except robots are made of metal and plastics, have no blood, eat electricity, and make beeping and whirling noises. So show your support for peace with the robots, shed your human side and jack into the underworld of Vintage Robot Porn.   Remember, if you're under 18 years of age It's okay.  There are no laws to our knowledge having anything to do with robot porn, and if there are, YPL's bloodthirsty team of legal experts can not  wait to go to court for this one.

Pimpbot 5000!

I Gave My Cat an Enema

From 1985 until 1995, I had a tabby cat named Fred. He was cranky and mean and didn't like anyone but me. In 1992, Fred suddenly became SEVERELY constipated. He just couldn't go! Being a responsible and loving pet owner, I took Fred to the vet. The Vet said Fred had impacted bowels. She ordered a stool softener, prescription cat food, and, to get things moving along again right away, she gave Fred an enema. Fred seemed to feel better immediately after leaving the vet.

Cat Enema!


Two great words that go great together! Ouchy the Clown, also a meeting facilitator!


The Shy Girl's Guide to Becoming a Whore

An online tutorial for women who are curious about becoming an escort.

What this is about ...

The Shy Girl's Guide to becoming a Whore is an online tutorial for women considering becoming an escort by using the technologies of the Internet. The web has changed the nature of prostitution offering women more opportunities than the traditional street walker, escort. or brothel models. We now have the 21st century CyberWhore model, and this is an overview as to how it is done.


Brain Transplantation - Be Young Again! 

When you car too old to fix it, you are buying a new car. Would it be wonderful if you will be able to change you human body as easy as you can change a car. Let say that your identity is a driver, and your body is a car. Moving your identity into a new, younger human body will make  you young again! Brain Transplantation made it possible. We can preserve your identity by moving you brain into new body. See what we can do for you...



A cute and funny little comic strip. Well drawn and funny


White Cheerleader Epiphanies! 

Man is this comedy! this is hard core comedy. I love this sort of tomfoolery

Cheerleaders Are Go!!!


If you read that FAQ i posted earlier today on how to become a stripper, this is the next site for you! It's an honest to get weblisting of jobs in the adult entertainment industry. If I ever wanted to be a piano player in a whore-house, this is where i would go!


Flash or shockwave animated short films for your amusement. I only posted it because of the name. The animations are only so/so. Enjoy the Robot with Distended Intestines!

Monkey vs. Robot

Christian Panties

Panties with a Christian message

Jesus Panties!

Things Other People Accomplished When They Were Your Age

A very simple generator to remind your ass top get to fuckin work. Punk!


Metal Song Title Generator

The name says it all. It has laffs in how sadly true it all is. Dig it:


Ship Of Fools - The magazine of Christian Unrest

Wow. Now THAT'S interesting!...

Christian Unrest

Video Catwalk

Who Knew this was possible??!!? I am both repelled and fascinated. High fashion nakedness not for pornagraphic purposes. Very haute-something-or-other.

Semi Naked Models on purpose!

Leader of the free world

This Damaged my mind. BIGTIME. Move your mouse around on the little gray screen for mind altering experiences



Have you ever wanted to come up with a great evil plan, but just never had the time or intelligence? Well your prayers have been answered, because now with the Evil Plan Generator, you can come up with any number of plans in no time at all to wreak havoc upon the world!

Make Your Evil Plan

Tashi Station

Toshi station rocks the muthafuckin hizouse, playa! Dig dig DIG this site. It is hella funky! You WILL enjoy...

The Periodic Table of Funk

Now is the time for your Silky Smoove Sensai to school you cats in some heavy-duty street-type knowledge. Servin' up the raw elements upon which a Players life doth evolve is just my way of givin' back to the community, baby (as in "doin' it for the kids"). Turkeys can click where you want, or take the grand tour by stabbin' at Element Number Uno: JB (good gawd!)


How To Become An Exotic Dancer

This site is a nonprofit resource for those women who have already decided that they would like to earn a living as a stripper.


MumbleBoy Condom Commersial

My My, more reasons to love the Japanese


A Web site that can read your mind

Welcome to Dr. Flockter, the Web site that can read your mind. Dr. Flockter is the ultimate expression of modern heuristic analysis using neural network structures combined with a massive database of rule-based information on human behavior. In short, it's a Web site that can read your mind.

First proposed by Dr. Otto Hans Hoeffner at the University of Helsinki in 1978, the project was taken-over by an international team after Dr. Hoeffner commited suicide, not long after the first working version was implemented in 1982. That team, supervised by Professor Carl Beckman at CalPoly, expanded on Hoeffner's original design, which was only intended to be a sort-of novelty fortune-telling program. Instead, under Beckman's leadership, and with funding from the Central Intelligence Agency and Interpol, a system was devised that could actually read a person's mind based on the answers to a set of thoroughly-researched questions, designed to reveal the actual firing pattern of the subject's synapses.

Now for the first time this amazing technology has been made public. After they lost their government funding Beckman's team sold the rights to the system to a consortium of investors lead by Donald Trump and Richard Branson. They have contracted with Gracelessland to develop the first free public tests of Dr. Flockter. For a limited time you can use this amazing technology while we work-out some of the bugs. For example question number 6 drove a certain percentage of convict test subjects insane, so it has been removed from this trial.

So sit back, relax, clear your mind, and click on the link below to begin.

Start Reading My Mind

Diesel Sweeties T-shirts

Good Shirts for good people

T-Shirts you MAY want to own


Trailers for movies that don't exist


The Disgruntled Ex-Burger King Employees Manifesto

My pain runs deep. My acne has never left my face. My memories of adolescence are riddled with the smell of chicken tenders and Vanilla Shakes. I have seen the creatures that live at bottom of the dumpster. I have seen the rat by the soda machine. I have seen dead frogs in the fresh salad lettuce. I have seen undercooked meat served to children and I have seen bags of trash piled higher than I stand as they lay less than 3 feet from the hamburger meat. I am the DISGRUNTLED EX-BURGER KING EMPLOYEE!


The TRUTH About Canadians

FACT: Canadians are more likely to than any other nationality to eat roadkill. In fact, Canadians refer to dead raccoons found on the highway as "Toronto Bologna."
(Source: McMillan's Culture Guide 1999-2000)

FACT: Canadians lead the world in per capita binge drinking. The average Canadian drinks an average of 16 beers on an average day. Seven of them are normally consumed while on the job.
(Source: Wild World Of Booze Facts)

FACT: Canada is the world's largest supplier of cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines and back bacon.
(Source: Gene Raphael's Big Book Of Canucks)

Blame Canada


Man! You need to read this. This SHIT is unbelievable and is yet another reason why


McDonald's Paves The Way For Future Psychopaths

You know, I thought the point of programs and media aimed towards little kids was to help mold them into sane, normal, good-willed members of society. Not raving lunatics. McDonalds feels differently. They hope to warp our nation's youth with visions of the most ridiculous, evil sons'a'bitches you've ever seen. Understanding the characters of McDonalds fame was a nigh-impossibility. They were too fucking odd.

Can't Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me!

Japan Adult Flyer Collection

- Welcome to 009 Japan Adult Flyer Collection -

Flyers presented here were found in my snail-mailbox in Tokyo. These flyers could also be found illegaly posted in telephone booths. This collection is intended to serve foreign communities interested in Japanese sub-cultures, thus English translations are provided.

Flyers may contain nude photos or foul words. If you think you could be easily offended by such materials, please leave immediately!

As you might imagine, people appearing in photos are not necessarily related to services or products stated on flyers. Many photos are illegaly used without any consent from those people.

I LOVE Japan

Amarillo Road Signs

This rocks HARD! the city of Amarillo, Texas, apparrently a rather rich and eccentric old man decided he wanted to shake up the community at large by paying private individuals to post...hmmm...not quite the expected...road-signs.

Road Signs

Flaming Fags

he word "fag" is a contraction of the word "faggot" (or "fagot"). When traced through its etymological history, the word "faggot" simply means "a bundle of sticks used as fuel."See and (where such words as "fuel" and "brimstone" are used as synonyms)There are many words for the synonym fagot.Here are just a few:

Satan's Sodom & Gomorrah Liberation Front
Hitchhikers On The Hershey Highway
Prison Rape Scenes
Anal Beard Barbers-Armageddon Dildos
Ass Baboons of Uranus
Rear Admirals
Colon On The Cob
Colostomy Grab-Bag
Hairy Fairys
Inspector Of Manholes
Trojan Test Pilots
Fuck Me,Suck Me,Call Me Helen
Men With Dicks Up Their Ass
Habitual Sex Offenders
Poop Fairys
Hamster Sandwich-Individual Fruit Pies
Pilots Of The Chocolate Runway
Iowa Beef Experience-Ass Clams
My Uncle's Asshole
K.Y. Backsliders-Butthole Surfers
Knights Of The Butthole-Colon Chokers
Clacker Smackers-Gut Butchers
Ass Slaves-Anal Astronauts-Back-Door Commandos-Turd Burglars
Hemaorroid Hitmen-Shit Stabbers-Canal Boat Cruisers

"Scholars" can't decide when these words began to be used in reference to homosexuals, so we'll give the answer here: The word Fag is translated "firebrand" is the Hebrew word "uwd," which comes from a Hebrew verb meaning "to rake together" (or, "to gather together"). In short, the Hebrew word "uwd" is talking about burning sticks of wood that are gathered together. That is what the English word "faggot" means. This could just as easily be translated " were as a faggot plucked out of the burning.

Take A Journey To Hell With Brother Billie


Introducing the Megway Transporting Human (TH), a revolutionary new invention from 0sil8 Heavy Industries. Megway TH represents a bold step forward in pedestrian science and engineering. To learn more about Megway's exciting capabilities or to see Megway in action, select one of the following links:

I only post this because of how much it makes me want to KILL.


The Lovetron 5000

The Lovetron 5000 comes from the future, a distant future where man needs machines to help him form relationships, that's how sorry man has gotten, it's a damn mess. In an effort to stave off this bleak future, scientists of that era have sent the Lovetron 5000 back in time to save the world of today, thus averting our horrible future fate and setting up a temporal paradox that we try not to think about. "Great," you say, "But what can the Lovetron 5000 do for me?" It can give you answers to all your relationship questions, that's what! So ask away, oh weary traveller, ask and be answered!!

Installed in the Love Shack

A Few Words from Mr. Hubris

Read the tale. DO click the links

Mr. Hubris

The Zagat Survey

Unfit for Print

Fairness – and our lawyers – prohibits us from attributing some of the more colorful surveyor critiques we collect. We get such a kick out of them, though, that we wanted to share them with you. Here's the latest batch of comments on restaurants that our voters love to hate.

Wear black -- bring attitude -- get hicky.

The 213 Things Skippy is Not Allowed to Do in the US Army

Explanations of these events:

a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (“What about especially patriotic porn?”)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Schwarz...what is *that*?” said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? "Um....a rubber sheep...I can explain why that's there....")

To explain how I've stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly..... I'm funny, so they let me live.

213 Things Skippy Not Allowed to Do in the US Army

Puppetry of the Penis

NOT a porn site. Despite the name...

Puppetry of the Penis


yep, it's LEGOs

Block Porn


Oh this fucking ROcks so HARD! Look at this:

The Technical Virgin Pledge:

Print this pledge and sign it. Print extra copies for your friends and ask them to sign it, too. Then enjoy your new life of sexual fulfillment free of the risk of pregnancy!

I believe that vaginal heterosexual intercourse and its accompanying possible consequences of pregnancy should be postponed until marriage or college, whichever comes first.

I believe that orgasms are an important part of a healthy and balanced life.
I believe that masturbation should be encouraged among males and females of all ages, both by manual methods and with the use of vibrators, dildos and other such devices.
I believe that sharing orgasms with others, via manual, oral, and anal sex between consenting partners, whether of my same sex or the opposite sex (providing proper safety techniques are utilized) is a moral and desirable activity for myself and my peers.
I will encourage others to join me in my beliefs and activities.


Now FLY, my beautiful MONKEYS, FLY!!!

You are about to enter the #1 Underground T-Shirt Syndicate On The Fucking Planet!

You WILL NOT see any pornography on this site but you will find some offensive and morally corrupt clothing. If you are easily offended, or lack a dark sense of humor DO NOT ENTER THIS SITE. Feminists, Pussies, Christians, Communists, and other stuck-up, close-minded idiots that take themselves too seriously will find some of our clothing extremely offensive. If you fit into any of these categories, do us a favor and LEAVE now, THIS SITE IS NOT FOR YOU! You will only torture yourself by entering. Furthermore, we've been told by GOD himself that entering this web site is a MORTAL SIN and by doing so you will BURN IN HELL for all eternity.


Oh HELL yeah!


"The most entertaining, flat-out funniest incarnation of Bigfoot on the Web..."
--Dallas Morning News, April 2002

"He's huge, he's hairy..."
--Yahoo Internet Life, April 2002

"The latest webtoon sensation..."
--Shift, March/April 2002

"Most brilliant web cartoon since Lil Pimp."
--SPIN, November 2001

"This site probably isn’t suited for children..."
--Louisville Eccentric Observer, November 2001

"Full of whacked out whimsy..."
--The Guardian, October 2001

Hairy Backed, Ham-Fisted Happiness


1. Science has proven that the domestication of animals has resulted in a progressive erosion of their mental facilities. The domestication of humans has led to similar effects.

2. Your life is passing in front of you, you are getting old. You are going to die, and you're never going to be on television.

3a. Get drunk and have sex at 4 am on a Tuesday in the back of a running cop car while the pig's in the Chinese restaurant shaking poor Johnny Wong down for Chow Mein leftovers. Call in sick to work tomorrow.

3b. Stop being afraid of everything.

4. It has been structured so that we "need" money to survive. Most options for "earning" money involve us trading a large portion of our limited lives. Our "work" usually involves meaningless repetition that runs absolutely opposite to our human nature. Not only is our "work" boring, it is enforced with strict behavioral rules and the constant fear of being "fired". It has been rammed down our throats that this is a "reality", and that the benefits of this planned system outweigh the negatives. It is becoming increasingly clear that this may not be the case.

5. Being cool to people gives them hope. It gives you hope too. Help anyone who needs it and pay back every favor given to you in spades. Assholes are their own punishment.

6. This is my body. I'm the one who moves it around and I'm the one who makes it do amazing things. I will take full responsibility for the actions of this body. I will not be controlled by the body of another.

7. There is no priest, no politician, no boss, no cop, and no concerned citizen who will ever convince me that they are performing functions necessary to my continued existence. They do not matter, they only impede. There are no masters and there are no gods. There are only people who demand life, and people who demand control. Whose side are you on?

8. There is nothing sexy about mass production, hamburgers, or soda pop. American consumer 'culture' must continue to be ignored at home and worldwide. Yankee go home, and take yer shitty food with you.

9. Sex is awesome. So is a good burrito. So is a round of drinks with friends. So is reading. So is sleeping late. You shouldn't feel bad about constantly enjoying yourself. Misery loves company. So does boredom. Ignore the telephone.

10. Freedom is the only important thing, personal liberty the only pathway to dignity. Anything that stands in the way is the enemy, no matter what costume it wears. Stop being afraid of everything.

11. Nobody knows anything. Everyone is lying. Look out for each other.

12. Do Not Pet The Tiger. The Tiger is Sick.

13a. It is an easy power to ridicule everything with sarcasm and irony, anyone can do it. It's much harder to give things a chance and try to understand. As smart as you are, there is always something to learn, and, conversely, always something to unlearn. Stop being afraid of everything.

13b. Buy a gun.

13c. Lighten the fuck up.



Foisted by their own petard, catapulted into fame! It's, the home of freaks who make wooden machines that throw things.

Hurl 'em Baby!

Analysis of Rate of Human Problems

Humans are afflicted with a large number of diseases and other problems. There are several interesting questions related to the occurrence rate of these problems:
Are there a larger total number of rare problems than the number of common problems?
Are you expected to have at least one rare disease because there are so many of them?

For some years now, I have been collecting estimates of the Rate of Human Diseases, Problems and Conditions. I define the "occurrence rate" for a given problem as the percent of people who are affected at least once in their lifetime by that problem. Now that I've put 147 problems into a spreadsheet, I can do some preliminary analysis to begin to answer these questions.

Several caveats should be kept in mind:
The dataset I am analyzing is undoubtedly seriously incomplete, since I myself have a backlog of probably 100 other problems to add to my database, and I probably don't have a complete list yet of problems to add.
There are undoubtedly biases in the reporting rates for different disease. For example, newspapers may be biased to report the "rare" and therefore more interesting problems at a higher rate than "common" problems. On the other hand, people may find it of more interest to read about "their" problems, and thus there may be a bias toward reporting common problems more frequently.
For a list of problems that can affect individual rate estimates, see the Rate of Human Diseases, Problems and Conditions. Since the analysis here is statistical, the uncertainties of individual rates are much less important.

I will continue to add problems, and when I accumulate a significantly expanded set, will revisit this analysis

Human Problems

The GORD Annoyances

What the FUCK is this site even about!??! I dont really know but it's neat!

Gord, Baby!

One Deadly Burger, Muthafucka!

Whose God is More Vicious?

A quiz from the Landover Baptist Church

Whose God is More Vicious?

I Hate Computers

An interesting website of patriotism and comedy and stuff

I Hate Computers

The Pope’s Confessional Booth

Allow me to introduce myself. I am the personification of all that is good, holy, just and honest. I am peace, I am valour and I am integrity. And I like a good gossip and some good old fashioned dirty talk. Hey - don't we all? My name is ThePope, and I wanna hear you're confessions.

So, feeling guilty? this is the right place to repent those sins. I won't judge you - but I may hold your confessions up to ridicule and prejudice (anonymously of course...) Some people can be so judgemental. Anyway - lets cut to the chase. Or alternatively, scroll to bottom of this page for some quick-fix links...

The Pope's Confessional Booth

Thursday, September 09, 2004

My Dfilm Ad - Dig it!

Ah, feeble self-aggrandizement! Check it out.


Home Star Runner

fun animations and games and shit like that. it's okay. It's not GREAT!!!, but it's okay


This is almost too normal for me to post but HEY, it's my site, I can do what I want!




these DO roch, though.



Sardonicomics! ( my own word ) these are very funny and should be surreptitiously slipped into company emails and bulletin boards. Read and Enjoy the intense truth of:

As Good As 'Get Your War On' Or Your Money Back

Chickenhead Desktop Bonanza

VERY COOL desktop wallpaper.


The Landover Baptist Church Store

Buy good stuff here. MANY cool and funny T-Shirts


Anti Bush Sites of Note

The WOW of American political culture today. Bush is an unpopular lad. Check out some choice sites entirely devoted to why .

American Politics

If you've never made a DFilm, you are a butt-loving fag! But not in the good, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy way, NO! In the prison-bitch / Glory-Hole on the submarine manning way! Oh yeah! I mean it!
Go to this site right now and feel the intense and throbbing glee that is making your own flash animation in like, 10 minutes! You will never send a normal party invitation again!


Hillbilly Hercules

America's favorite redneck deity is back, and this time he's looking for action in the Big Apple! Watch as the mighty Titan battles the evil magician Excelsior! Tremble as the enchanting seductress Grace threatens to lead the fertile Hercules away from Mt. Olympus forever! Thrill as the fearless Man/God struggles to free his sister Athena, and regain his status as the Mightiest Mortal in Manhattan!

Hillbilly Hercules!


I really love these posters. If I had money, I'd buy them all! Browse their FINE online catalog with their nifty new upscale looking website.


Old Adages

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs....
A woman will pay a $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband....
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man makes more money than his wife can spend....
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot....
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed....
Women somehow deteriorate overnight.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't....
A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does.

Married men live longer than single men; however, they are also more willing to die.

Married men should forget about their mistakes....
There's no point in two people remembering the same thing.

A woman has the last word in any argument....
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argumen


I'm SURE no explanation is necessary.


Hypnotize Yourself dot com

I don't know, but the name alone is worth something

I Bin Hip-Mo-Tized!!!

So You Wanna Hold A Seance

The Jesus Dress Up Page

It's sacreliscious!


Damnation University

Useless, but amusing as a gag gift. Check it out.


How To Be Successful Cult Leader

I started a cult myself once back in '92. And it was both good and fun! The First Esoteric Church of Cthulhu. See the bar to the right for a link to pages scanned from the pamphlets


The "Working at McDonalds" Simulator

fun fun fun. I've done this!

Get to WORK!

Betty Bowers - America's Best Christian

This is a VERY FUNNY site by a VERY FUNNY person or people. This will delight and amuse the theological scoffer and modern American in you or my name ain't Nathan Arizona!

Award winning parody of America's Best Christian. Compassionate Christian advice -- even to those who will deservedly be tortured in Hell.


50 Fun Things To Do In Church

THIS list Rocks like Dokken. Or something to that effect. Check out the intense, cubicle-rocking comedy that is:

Church Activities

The BEST urban legends reference page i can remember. A GREAT debunking site for your office-mates ludicrous claims and stories.

Children's Books you will ONLY see if I bacome a writer

We've all gotten this email. But this list seemed espacially long. Consider writing some of these to twist a future generation!


God's QOS Survey

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, God asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions: Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

What is the Quality of YOUR God?

William Shatner has worshippers!

Second National Church of Shatnerology

Bill Shatner has worshippers! Feel the AWESOME wrongness that IS:


A good way to waste an hour

This site will delight and amuse the kook-mocker and open-minded alike out there. Wallow in the mire that is:


The Museum of Burnt Food

Quite a collection. A web oddity. Check it out:


Actual answering machine greetings recorded and verified by the world-famous International Institute of Answering Machines.

Actual answering machine greetings recorded and verified by the world-famous International Institute of Answering Machines:

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your  name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not | here. So, leave a message.

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

Hi. Now you say something.

Hi, I'm not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?

Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner!

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.

My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

This is not an answering machine-this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I'll think about returning your call.

I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back. If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets

Mark Twain's : Adam's Diary

Mark Twains version of what Adam would write if he wrote a diary. Oh yeah, it's good. Enjoy!


Now check out Eve's Diary:


They're Talking Meat!!!

I first read this two page short story YEARS ago. It is freakin' great and opens your eyes to another viewpoint on the human condition. Dig it!

Talking Meat


Let's start the day off with this:


A great show from before I was even born I think! It's as bizarre as the English get almost. And WELL worth knowing about and seeing. Get your feedbag of information here


Where the HELL have I BEEN!???!

I'm NOT dead. Only busy. And fixing my mother in law's computer. And dealing with the 'Start of School' ramp-up at work. And starting a new game. And Fasting. But I will post more today, I promise.