Tuesday, November 10, 2009

8 facts about mice and their pro-communist habits

8 facts about mice and their pro-communist habits
1. They gather under floorboards, marshaling troops.
2. Hear them skitter and skatter! It's a sound like tree bark rubbed hard against the spine!
3. Is it too much to ask for them to stop staring at me? Beady black little eyes make me wince.
4. Stamp them out. Use big hard, boots and crush them. No videos, just bloody soles.
5. They eat cheese. Collectives favor cheese for "ease of rationing".
6. They leave small, brown suicide pills wherever they roam.
7. They run up trouserlegs to collectivise underpants.
8. Lick a mouse and start cough, cough, coughing! Lick off their nasty fur and you will find them defenseless.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

8 ways to procure assistance

8 ways to procure assistance
1. Make sure they can see that you have an ass. Some people don't have them and are unpopular
2. Take a big piece of card with "tree" written on it with you to the train station. Hold it out in front of you. Hopefully you will be approached by a tree at some point. Trees aren't much help though.
3. Stand on the side of the road and rub your legs with salt. As people approach, intent on the salt, suggest that they do some "stuff" for you. have it to hand. and beware the many salt fixated elephants.
4. Just sit still. Just stay there and sit still. Just be thankful for the beauty of telepathy.
5. Find a police officer and show them your bruises. as they start to take an interest kidnap them in some way.
6. Pills help to take away the pain.
7. Find a big hat to stand under. Hold it. Above your head.
8. Mine a profitable streak of sanity with the help of others.